But He’s good

Friends,

 

Our agency just sent us a message stating that they were "expecting an update of some sort" on our case tomorrow. We don’t know what that means exactly…. My heart is about to beat outside of my chest. I’m getting excited.

 

A LARGE part of me doesn’t want to get excited because it’s likely that we really won’t hear anything. KC and I are at this place of “Do we allow ourselves to get a little excited? Or do we guard our heart just in case it turns out to be nothing”? Because seriously guys, this day to day is torture. 

 

It stinks finding yourself at that place. It really does.

 

But I know my God. And I know He is bigger than any update we may or may not get. He has the power to hold us when we’re scared and confused and heartbroken. He has the power to hold Bertie – to comfort her and let her know we ARE coming for her. Because we ARE coming for her.

 

Throughout this process, I find myself wanting to err on the side of caution; to be safe. Isn’t that what I’ve been doing? Trying to control the outcome? Guarding my heart? 

 

But that’s not what this is about. Following Christ isn’t about being safe. Saying yes in a BIG way is the furthest thing from safe. But it's so good guys. 

 

I think of the line in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe (one of my favorite books) – “Safe?... Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good”.

 

Why am I just now realizing this?! I have no clue. Haha!

 

So even though my brain is telling me no, I’m going to keep hoping. Because my hope isn’t in a piece of paper or a court date. My hope is in a God who adores me and wants only the best for his little girl, and for my little girl.

 

So please friends, keep praying for our little family as we continue this uphill climb. We know the peak has to be close. And if not, He’s still good.

 

 

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…” James 1:4

  

  

 

Winding down

As another week is winding down with no news, we have to face the harsh reality that we may not be together this year.

 

We may not be together for Christmas.

 

Things may drag on through January.

 

This isn’t just us assuming so – this is coming from our coordinator.

 

Travel before Christmas is highly unlikely.

 

As much as we hate the news, we are so grateful for the transparency with our agency. I know it’s hard for our coordinator to continually deliver bad news, but I’d prefer to know.

 

We’ll have the end of year US holiday on the 25^th (Christmas), the first US holiday of the year on the 1^st (New Year’s), and the Ethiopian holiday on January 7^th (Ethiopian Christmas). So unfortunately, things could most certainly be delayed well into the second week of January.

 

We also haven’t heard from the orphanage yet in regards to our note we sent our dear girl.

 

We don’t know what to say other than this. really. really. sucks.

 

Everything is at a standstill, and there is nothing that anyone can do about it.

 

(This is taking so much longer than it ever should have. Saturday marks 10 months since we got “the call”.)

 

We’re stuck in limbo, and it bites.

 

Remember in Star Wars Episode 1 when Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan are fighting Darth Maul? And those barrier things come up and they have to wait a few minutes before they can resume fighting?

 

I wish I could be like Qui-Gon Jinn and rest. Meditate. Prepare myself for the remainder of the fight. But I feel more like Darth Maul. Pacing back and forth, hitting the barrier in the hopes that it’ll come down faster. 

 

Every night it’s hard to go to bed. Because every night I get panicked that it could be another day of no news. 

KC and I were talking last night, and I told him it’s like Ground Hogs Day. The same thing. Over. And over. And over. The boys are so sad every day that “we don’t get the letter for Bertie”. They continue asking everyday. 

 

We’re still waiting, and it’s seems like there’s no end in sight.

 

I’m a mom. A mom who is 8,000 miles away from her child. A mom who has missed 5 birthdays, the chicken pox, and her first lost tooth.

 

We’re a family who is trying hard to wait patiently, but cannot. But HE is my refuge. All I can do is keep crying out to Him. To hold us, and to comfort us.

 

To hold her, and to comfort her.  ❤️

 

 

{Then you shall call and The Lord will answer; you shall cry and He will say, 'Here I am.'   ~Isaiah 58:9}

   

 

Our continuing mêlée

I have to take a deep breath before I begin; to collect my thoughts. There are many spinning around in my mind right now. But know that today has actually been a good day. You all have rallied around our family and we are so appreciative of you.

 

KC and I have had many of our questions answered. Most of the answers were very eye-opening and many were unexciting, with the exception of one.

 

The bottom line is this - 

 

There are still many in Ethiopia who are not happy with inter-country adoptions. And they are continuing to try to cut down on the numbers of adoptions that get completed. And our case is being made an example of in order to slow the process down.

 

KC and I are thankful for the transparency that our agency has with us. We are so thankful for our coordinator, the team, and Mr. F who are constantly fighting on our behalf because they too can see the unfairness going on with our case. They are doing all they can to get our case reviewed sooner than the 10^th.

 

However, things are very delicate at this stage in the adoption process. You do not want to seem like you are strong-arming them nor do you want to seem like you are requesting "special treatment" for a family. That could seriously jeopardize our case and others in the pipeline behind us. We do not want that to happen. So we are waiting patiently and are praying hard.

 

The only exciting news is that, at this point, no one feels like we will lose Bertie. They are just throwing extra hoops at us to jump through and are essentially just picking on us.

 

How do we know it’s just us? Well, 2 other families were given court dates yesterday with the furthest one out being October 22nd. Their cases were submitted weeks after ours. On the one hand, we’re glad that it’s just us. But on the other hand, it kinda bites.

 

So as of right now, we will have to wait until the 10th. We are so thankful for you all and all your prayers for us today. Please continue to pray for all the other families waiting on referrals and waiting to be submitted to court – pray that they will not have to endure what we have. I would not wish this on anyone.

 

Know that this is a victory friends. We can feel your prayers at work. KC and I have been so full of encouragement and are ready to keep fighting. We are hoping to find out some more news tomorrow, so we’ll be sure to update you again as soon as we hear anything.

 

The takeaway from this news today is:

 

1.      Bertie is still ours.

2.      Our agency is working diligently on our behalf and are praying for us daily

3.      You guys are praying for us daily

4.      The day we meet her will be so much sweeter, knowing what we endured to bring her home

5.      God has great plans for this little girl

 

And again (and most importantly)

6.      Bertie is our daughter and is loved tremendously

 

She knows us. And I’m praying she’s as excited as we are. Because I will run to her as fast as I can. I will hold her and won’t ever want to let her go. ❤️

   

 

And if not….

We’re tired. Things feel a bit muddled.

 

·         Trying to get that last piece needed for the dossier

·         Praying we get it in the mail to Little Rock by next Tuesday or Wednesday

·         Praying we get a mid-October court date

·         Trying to get everything ready for school starting on Monday

·         Trying to plan for being gone during the school year (and likely over Thanksgiving)

·         Trying to slowly start buying Christmas gifts so we don’t have to worry once we get back

·         Trying to ignore the rude and insensitive remarks made about our family and the decisions we make with God’s leading

·         Life

 

Right now, that’s kind of where we’re at and how we’re feeling.

 

We’re trying to keep ourselves occupied by doing some things around the house.

 

It’s hard to keep your mind distracted sometimes. But we’re trying.

 

We found out this week that we could get a court date given to us during the “closing”. Apparently, the judges are the only ones out during the rainy season. The clerks are still there working.

 

So there’s a chance we could be given our date before the courts officially open.

 

However… (are you expecting those from us now? Haha!)

 

Our sweet coordinator who, bless her, has had to deliver a lot of bad news to us recently, told us that right now they are scheduling couples with positive letters in mid-October into late October.

 

That’s for those who are “paper ready” right now.

 

Unfortunately, that’s not us.

 

Hence (always a fun word), the likelihood of us getting an October court date is looking slim. At this rate, it’s more likely to be early November.

Our friends received word that they are scheduled for October 16. So we may not travel together after all. 

 

………………………………………………………………………

 

I think sometimes you just get to a place that you hear more, for lack of a better word, crappy news and you just stare at those words, sigh, and then kind of purse your lips.

 

And you have to be careful because you don’t want to turn into this “hope for the best, but expect the worst” kind of person.

 

Trust me.

 

That was the beat I followed and it wasn’t pleasant.

 

So while you’re staring at those words glaring back at you, you summon everything you can and utter a small moan.

 

He knows. He understands all the pain, frustration, and weariness that is contained in that moan.

 

And you know what?

 

Despite all the crappiness and chaos, He is still good. He is for me.

 

And He is still worth it.

 

Did you catch that?

 

HE. IS. STILL. WORTH. IT.

 

I want to be open with you guys; I promised I would be through this blog.

 

I want to be real and honest and talk about the ups and downs of adoption, life, my walk with Him.

 

BUT I always, always want to make sure you understand that line.

 

Things may not ever go the way that I want them to. We’ll face battles and trials; and we’ll feel like fireballs are heading straight for us.

 

And in that particular moment, life might feel like it pretty much bites the big one; things might just suck.

 

But it’s only for a season, and HE IS STILL WORTH IT. All of it.

 

We are not naïve.

 

We are not weak.

 

We are not grasping at straws.

 

We are putting our trust and hope in something greater than ourselves.

 

While in this moment things may seem messy and chaotic to me, they aren’t to Him.

 

So yes, today might feel a bit crappy. But He is still worth anything that may get thrown my way.

 

And friends, looking back through time, I know we’re in good company.

  

 

 

Not much…

We’re coming up on 3 weeks of waiting for a birth relative court date. I wake up early to check my email (like a madwoman) to see if we’ve received anything from Ethiopia. Nothing.

 

This is the point where KC and I are getting VERY exhausted. We feel downtrodden. 

We know that His timing is good, but it’d be nice to know something... anything.

 

This. Is. Hard. 

BUT, one positive is that it’s allowing KC and I to save a bit more money. We were still about 2500 shy of where we needed to be when KC texted me yesterday. Turns out, he got a “bonus” for training some new guy at work. To the tune of $1,000. Talk about wanting to shout from the rooftops!! 

That was a HUGE blessing. HUGE. It takes a big weight off knowing that we’re only $1,500 short of where we need to be. We’re praying that we can budget  some from next month (we’ve already budgeted moving over some this month).

 

So yes, the wait is hard; even excruciating at times. But He knows what’s best. And He’s already reminding us of His faithfulness.

 

That’s where we’re at. In the hard, but knowing He’s still keeping an eye out for our well-being. Please continue to keep us all in your prayers.  ❤️

  

  

Where We Are…

I’m sure you may have figured out by now, that there are a lot of ups and downs in adoption land. Many times it seems like there are more downs than ups.

 

 

· Court in Ethiopia is backed up.

· We still don’t have a date for the          birth relative interview.

· We still don’t have enough to make the trip.

· We’ll likely miss the first day of second grade for Caedmon and the first day of Kindergarten for Oliver.

· If we don’t get a court date before August, we’ll have to wait until October to see her.

· That’s 4 months away.

· We’ll miss her birthday.

 

 

It’s been 12 days since we were submitted to court. It can take up to 4 weeks to be given a birth relative court date. Then, we need a letter of recommendation from the MOWCYA which can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. After we receive that letter, we’ll wait to be given OUR court date.

 

More waiting.

 

Last week was rough. Actually, so far this week has been too.  I am upset. Tired. Worried. Ready to be there.

 

I’m doing my best to stay hopeful, but to be completely honest, we are. Worn. Out. And as much as I know God is here beside me and I know that He has it all under control, I’m feeling a littleincredibly impatient and cantankerous right now. This momma is ready to see her girl and bring her home.

 

I’d prefer that this post not turn into a pity party, so I’m going to leave it at that. Haha! We still have some hurdles to clear, and we’re praying we can clear them sooner rather than later. We’ve trusted Him this far, and we aren’t going to stop now.

 

So for now, I’m just here. Waiting. It’s hard, but we’ve waited before. But please bear with me the next few weeks as we wait for news.

 

Thank you all for your prayers. We sure could use them.  ❤️

 

 

 

*I sometimes feel selfish for feeling like this. Our story is unique to us, and presents its own challenges to our family. But I know there are adoptive families out there who are going through hard (and harder) times than we are right now. That doesn’t diminish how we’re feeling, but I know that despite our ups and downs, there are families who have experienced what we have. And they survived.

 

Today, many families are in D.C. to plead with our government to help get their children in the Democratic Republic of Congo home. They’ve been legally adopted and cleared court, however the Congolese government will not issue exit visas.

 

Some of these families have been waiting more than a year to bring their little ones home. Please, pray for these families as well. Adoption is hard. But our little kiddos are SO worth the hard.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No new updates makes for one antsy Momma...

Well that title pretty much sums up everything we know right now… which adds up to about diddly squat. We’re still waiting on our PAIR letter but we have not gotten confirmation that they received our application. I was really hoping we’d have that by now.

 

I know we’re still done finished with the waiting game, but it’s getting harder and harder as the weeks go by. We were really hoping that we’d be back home at the beginning of June with her. But that’s looking less and less likely as the weeks drag on.

 

I say ‘BOOOOOO!’ to that.

 

Thus, we are in  what I like to call “waiting purgatory”. It feels exactly as dreadful as it sounds. Another phrase is “radio silence”. Oh yeah. That’s where we’re at.

 

I guess even with all the lack-of-news, it could be worse. I still haven’t begun freaking out. Or crying. Or binge eating. Or sobbing. Or overindulging pizza…. You get my point. There were a few (okay, multiple) times during this journey that I admit, were. not. pretty. I mean, they were downright ugly.

 

So I’m in this place of gah-pretty-please-can-we-just-hear-something? And I-just-want-to-hold-her-and-meet-her-already, but it’s actually pretty subdued.

 

In lieu of being in “waiting purgatory”, we’ve been trying to keep busy. We have a garage sale coming up this weekend, we’re still working on Bertie’s room, we registered Oliver for kindergarten… life still goes on even though Bertie is halfway across the world. I’m trying to stay in the present and enjoy every minute with the boys. It’s going pretty good actually!

 

So to sum it up: Gahh!! I hate waiting! This is hard!! But seriously, it’s not too bad.

 

Does that makes sense? Haha!

 

Annyyyywhhhoooo.... Moving on… 

We’ve still had people ask what they can do to help. Well, there is still a lot of room for signatures on her suitcase! If you donate any amount to help bring her home, you can sign her suitcase (or we can do it for you). This is something we will put in her room as a reminder of everyone who fought alongside us to bring her home.

 

Please understand, it is hard for us to swallow our pride and ask for your help, but we are so close to the end of this! We have a lot saved up for travel, but will need more. I posted 2 weeks ago about talking to our coordinator during our travel prep call.

 

We found out Bertie is in an orphanage in northern Ethiopia (Wuchale is the area) about 6-7 hours away from the capital.  That is where we have to travel, after landing in Addis, to meet her and attend court.

 

Anything you can do is a blessing. Even your prayers are appreciated and needed. The link to our paypal account is in the upper left hand of our blog.  ❤️

 

{If you’re viewing from a mobile device and don’t see it, just click on Selah: The Art of the Pause at the top to go to the home page. Then, scroll down and select View Web Version. You’ll be able to see the blog like you would from a computer}

 

Again, THANK YOU. We love and appreciate you all SO much.

(I’m sure the words seem like they’ve lost their meaning, but I assure you they haven’t. )