Wednesday, July 30, 2014

We. Are. Heartbroken....

This may very well be the hardest, most difficult post I've ever had to write.

I'm a mess. So this post may not be as fluid as it normally is, so please bear with me.

We still had not heard anything from our agency yet, so KC asked me to take a lunch, grab some coffee, and sit with him at work. So I did.

As soon as KC got into the van, I got a call from Michigan.

Our agency.

I just had a feeling it wasn't good news....

It wasn't.

MOWA issued a negative recommendation letter for us and the two other families waiting to travel this week.


Apparently, 2 of our forms in our dossier had just expired. They want new ones. ALL new ones.

We have to re-do our Dossier. The 60+ page file of our lives: our tax information, income, physicals, background checks, home study... everything.

This was not an easy feat the first time around.

We will not be able to get what's needed, send it to Little Rock to be state sealed, send it to DC to be authenticated, get it back to our agency for review, and send it to Ethiopia for MOWA to review before Wednesday.

That means, that we will not be traveling until at least the end of October.

We cannot submit our dossier until the courts reopen the first week of October. We have no idea how long it will take for them to review it, issue us a positive letter, and then receive a court date.


This, was never in the cards. This was a rare request that even took our agency by surprise. They saw an email from the team in Ethiopia and thought it was our court date.

I cannot tell you what it felt like to hear that from our agency. I all at once felt numb, sick to my stomach, and like I was going to pass out. Driving home was a feat and I thank God that I made it.

KC was angry - and just sat there quietly.

To be honest, I screamed out loud in the car as I was sobbing. I could barely breathe.

We were only days away from seeing our girl. ONLY A FEW DAYS.

KC, me, our agency.....

We're all still so dumbfounded...

This truly was a rare occurrence... though nothing in our process has been "normal".

Even now, I can barely wrap my head around it all. I'm still in disbelief that I'm not scrambling to book airline tickets.

I honestly don't know what more to say. This was a huge blow.

I want to be angry with God. I do, I really do.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

But I can't be angry with Him.

I feel like a little kid, sobbing, and beating my hands against His chest, all the while He just holds me and lets me rage on.

He knows our pain. He knows the heartbreak that we are feeling.

I'm sure He's feeling it to.

I don't know what God is doing.

My tiny brain cannot even fathom what He has ahead for us.

We are hurting. And angry. And confused.

And as hard as it may be for my flesh in this moment, I will continue to trust Him.

Because He knows. He knows.

{For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. - 2 Timothy 4:6-8}

Please pray for us, that we can fight and keep and finish like Paul did, with faith.


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