Friday, June 22, 2012

Hello again!

I promise today's post will be positive, peppy, and uplifting!  Haha. I've been a bit of a Negative Nancy lately, and if you know me you know that's completely out of character. The good news is, we're possibly days away from our home study being approved. Well, I guess it technically is but they needed one more piece of information from us - from me to be exact. Today at 3:00pm, I will be having my very first therapy session EVER. Our agency feels that it would be pro-active for me to be evaluated by a therapist for our USCIS paperwork that we will be sending in - hopefully in the next week or two.

What for you may ask? My dad. A lot of you know him, so I don't need to go into detail. But my dad was an alcoholic - many times an angry one. So, they just want to make sure (I guess) that I'm not still holding on to any issues. And I can tell you with 200% certainty, I'm not. I've forgiven my dad. I've asked for healing. I've let go of my bitterness, anger, and resentment. And I've asked God to replace those things with His good and His glory. I love my Dad. First sign I've gotten over it, I'm calling him Dad instead of Valentin. Second sign, I said I love him and I mean it. Truly mean it. We're working on patching things up - my sisters and brother too. Trying to mend our relationship to what a father/child relationship should have been all along. Am I worried about the session today - a little. Haha. I've never spilled my guts to anyone 'cept God. And if she thinks I still have residual issues, we'll have to set up more sessions before she can write a positive evaluation. I don't want to lie, but I want them to know that I've forgiven my Dad. I also want them to know that just because he was an angry, verbally abusive alcoholic doesn't mean that I am. Nor does it mean I treat my boys that way nor will I treat Effie that way.

It's not been easy coming out from that dark shadow. Not wanting to be like him. Not liking to drink alcohol often because I know that like any destructive habit, it could control me. I may have broken that curse, but that doesn't mean that I can throw 'em back like it's no body's business and I'll be safe. That's not how it works. But with God, I can make sure that doesn't happen.

I love my Dad. God knows he's made a lot of mistakes in his life. But he's paying for them now. But because of those consequences, we're able to see him, talk to him, write him. We know that whatever the outcome, we'll have a better relationship with him than we've ever had.

So, say a prayer for me today at 3pm if you don't mind. I know it's going to work out for the best. Despite all of these delays, I've had this surreal peace in my spirit. I hate delays, but I'm confident it's for the best. Effie's waiting. Being loved and watched over by God. Nothing I can do will speed up the process.
I need to find joy in my journey.

"In the deepest, darkest moments of our lives, we need to affirm
what is TRUE: We are loved, there is a greater plan,
and God is still in control."

P.S. Some good news is, we only have 3 things left before we have our completed Dossier! Those will be *prayerfully* completed this weekend. At least it'll be ready to go in no time.

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