Nothing Much

Well, I know it's been a few days since I've posted anything, but adoption-wise, not much has happened. Life has been busy with work, church and family - so I took this past Monday off and Caed skipped pre-k and the 4 of us went to the Tulsa Zoo. It was a blast and a much needed day of "us time". The boys loved it! There were only 4 other groups there, so it was like we had the whole place to ourselves. The animals came up to us and the boys were delighted that they got a closer look. The zebras were the best. The came right up to the rocks around the fence, then darted away and cam back. They were playing with us! Everyone needs to play hookie now and again; it's good for the soul.  ;-) 

I've been doing a lot of adoption fundraising research. So far, the one I'm most excited about is making rag dolls to sell. I need to brush up on my sewing skills though. Lol. The idea came after a trip to Target. I was on my lunch break browsing the toy aisle and decided to go down the doll aisle... something I don't get to do since I have boys. haha! And I noticed that there in that entire aisle stuffed with dolls, there was only one doll that was not white. And that was the new Disney Princess Tatianna (I think that's her name). Now, that is not something that I would have noticed before, but as we are in the process of adopting a little girl that has a darker skin color, I was amazed. I didn't see any other ethnicity of dolls either: Latin, Asian, etc. I've seen old rag dolls at antique stores and such and always fell in love with them. So, I am going to attempt to create one to see if I'm able to create more than one. Lol. My guinea pig. I hope they turn out as I'm imagining in my head... so let's pray I can find some sewing videos on YouTube or such to refresh my memory.

Like I said, not much to update anyone on concerning the adoption. Gladney is supposed to call us back in the next week or so to get the ball rolling on the homestudy. As soon as we hear from them you can bet we'll let you all know.  :)

Oh, and I thought I'd share a picture from our zoo trip:

And her name shall be....

So KC and I have really been praying about a name for our daughter. Do we keep the one she has? Or maybe use it as a middle name? We had thought about the name Acacia since that is the word God used to reveal to us that we would adopt from Ethiopia, and we thought about Emiliana and call her Milly (not Miley). I was really leaning towards the latter. I just thought it was so cute! But at the beginning of this journey, KC told me that the name Santi came to his mind. We were unsure of the meaning but decided to look into it. Well, that didn't happen so much, since we really liked the other names. Then we found out it means 'Saint' or 'holy'. Well, that was a better meaning than 'thorny bush' or 'to strive' for Acacia and Emiliana respectively. We continued praying and KC called me at work on Thursday and told me her name needs to be Santi. As soon as he said that, I felt a stirring in my spirit. I knew that was the name God wanted us to give her. But.... MILLY IS SUCH AN ADORABLE NAME! And I've liked it for so long! Lol. I wanted to fight it, and even told KC my feelings. But, like I said, I felt in my spirit that this was her name. So I did more research to find meanings, origins, etc. It does mean 'Saint' or 'holy' in Spanish, but it also means 'peace' in Sanskrit. So, that was the clencher. Peace. It's a better meaning than Strive. I think it suits her better, wherever she is. And once we find out what her name is right now, that one will likely be her second middle name. She will also have my middle name as her first middle name. I think it will be an awesome way to connect her to us, giving her part of my name. So,when that day finally comes, our daughter will be forever known as:

Santi Raquel _(current name)_ Collins

If we kept her name just Santi Raquel Collins, she'd have my same initials too! SRC. As you can tell, it's the little things that excite me. I know we are just barely starting out in this process, but I am already so eager to have her home with us. The temptation to buy girlie things is almost unbearable. But that time will come soon. I just got my Adoptive Families magazine and they had the results of the 2010 Cost & Timing Survey... The  second highest percentage of people adopting from Ethiopia had their referral within 6 months of the starting point. The highest percentage had their referral within one year of starting... I really hope ours comes within the first 6 months. Lol.  :D

I'm a little...... nervous??

As excited as I am that God has allowed us to start the adoption process, I must admit that I'm nervous about adopting "outside our race". I've been trying to read everything I can on trans-racial adoption, yet I'm still terrified. When KC told me he felt God was leading us toward Africa, I truly thought he was joking. Am I capable of mothering someone who doesn't have the same skin tone as me. Does it make me awful for admitting my fears?? What if she's unhappy with "white" parents, what if she's not around enough people who look like her, what if I can't fix her hair correctly and I'm deemed unfit by others of her skin tone?? ALL of these thoughts and more have been frequenting my mind lately. I know it's the enemy creeping in trying to fill me with doubt, but to be honest, I wonder how much he's put in there and how much was already there. I'm also worried about the fact that she won't be able to hide the fact that she is adopted. That everyone will constantly stare and wonder if she's ours, or maybe a friend's child. I'm wondering how they'll react when they find out: "Oh, you're such great people from adopting over there!" or "WHY ON EARTH DID YOU ADOPT FROM OVER THERE??" And most importantly, I'm wondering how we'll handle the first inappropriate comment said to her. My sisters and I have dealt with our fair share of racist comments living in the ghetto of Kansas City, MO. We weren't white, and we weren't Mexican. We were half-breeds. This is something that no parent wants to hear when they ask their child, 'How was your day at school sweetheart?' Whether we like it or not, racism is still out there. How will others of her skin tone feel when they see us out with her? This is something that I have been praying to God to help me with. I just want to be her mother. I don't want to be seen as this white lady with an African baby on her hip trying to be an "Angelina Jolie do-gooder" (lol). I don't want to have to worry about other people's thoughts or opinions; or worry if I'm fixing her hair correctly. I want to know without a doubt that I'm being the best mother I can be. So, I'm placing all of my worry, concern and fear in His hands. But I'm not going to go into this blindly. I will do all I can to make sure we are doing our part in raising her with her heritage in mind. That is something that will definitely need His help.  :)

Rest for our soul

So, as I was listening to Robert Morris speak at KPC last night, he had a moment where he briefly mentioned the Mary and Martha story. We've all heard it. Mary sat at Christs feet while Martha was bustling around the house trying to get things in order. Mary realized "the art of the pause". She knew she had to take time away from her "womanly duties" and just sit with Him. She knew she needed rest that only He can give: rest for the soul. I think as women (even men too) we get too caught up in our day to day and forget to stop and just be. We rest our bodies at night by sleeping, although I'm sure most of us don't get near the required 8-10 hours. Lol. But what are we doing for our souls? Are we taking time out of our day to allow Him to renew us? Probably not. I'll be transparent with you... I'm not - not nearly as often as I should. How many times have we said, 'Gosh, Lord, I'm just so busy I feel like I don't have the time for quiet time'. I know it's one of my frequent phrases during my short prayer times. In Matthew 11:28 He says: "Come to me, all of you who are weary.... and I will give you rest" (NLT). That isn't talking about physical rest, but a spiritual one. How many of you feel your spirit weighted down with worry, doubt or fear. I know I do. But Philippians 4:8 says "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about anything. Tell God what you need..." What we need is rest. We need Him to refresh our spirits. If we refresh our spirits, our bodies will feel it. Our next step is slowing down physically... but lets take baby steps shall we? Lol.