Friday, March 4, 2011
I'm a little...... nervous??
As excited as I am that God has allowed us to start the adoption process, I must admit that I'm nervous about adopting "outside our race". I've been trying to read everything I can on trans-racial adoption, yet I'm still terrified. When KC told me he felt God was leading us toward Africa, I truly thought he was joking. Am I capable of mothering someone who doesn't have the same skin tone as me. Does it make me awful for admitting my fears?? What if she's unhappy with "white" parents, what if she's not around enough people who look like her, what if I can't fix her hair correctly and I'm deemed unfit by others of her skin tone?? ALL of these thoughts and more have been frequenting my mind lately. I know it's the enemy creeping in trying to fill me with doubt, but to be honest, I wonder how much he's put in there and how much was already there. I'm also worried about the fact that she won't be able to hide the fact that she is adopted. That everyone will constantly stare and wonder if she's ours, or maybe a friend's child. I'm wondering how they'll react when they find out: "Oh, you're such great people from adopting over there!" or "WHY ON EARTH DID YOU ADOPT FROM OVER THERE??" And most importantly, I'm wondering how we'll handle the first inappropriate comment said to her. My sisters and I have dealt with our fair share of racist comments living in the ghetto of Kansas City, MO. We weren't white, and we weren't Mexican. We were half-breeds. This is something that no parent wants to hear when they ask their child, 'How was your day at school sweetheart?' Whether we like it or not, racism is still out there. How will others of her skin tone feel when they see us out with her? This is something that I have been praying to God to help me with. I just want to be her mother. I don't want to be seen as this white lady with an African baby on her hip trying to be an "Angelina Jolie do-gooder" (lol). I don't want to have to worry about other people's thoughts or opinions; or worry if I'm fixing her hair correctly. I want to know without a doubt that I'm being the best mother I can be. So, I'm placing all of my worry, concern and fear in His hands. But I'm not going to go into this blindly. I will do all I can to make sure we are doing our part in raising her with her heritage in mind. That is something that will definitely need His help. :)