In oceans deep, my faith will stand….

I debated on whether or not I should share this post. But friends, I always want to be real with you. I typed this up on Friday. Before my pleasant post yesterday. Adoption isn't easy. If you've read any of my blog, you know this. BUT it is the greatest journey that KC and I have been on. It's tested us and through it, we've grown so much in our relationship with Him. But our relationship with Him isn't always easy either. It's messy, but oh, can it be beautiful as well. 

This weekend, I've been a mess; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. God has asked us to do so much in our journey already, and He has asked us for more. 

And in this moment, it isn't so much more spiritually as it is physically, financially. And folks, for me, it's been hard to see this through to the end financially. We've discovered that tickets are double in summer time. A big blow when we were just a smidge shy of where we knew we needed to be to make 2 trips to Ethiopia. 

When we crunched numbers, I felt like I spiritually just FELL to my knees and whispered "Why?"

And I've been in this in between place all weekend  of knowing He's got this, and also feeling so overwhelmed at what more we still need. 

Church today was just what I needed. Pastor Casey's message was dead on. The worship bands final song reduced me to hot, and ugly tears. 

After service, we spoke to our campus pastor to let him know what our new plans were regarding being out and asked for prayer as we navigate this all. He prayed for us and I sobbed again before being asked to help pray with someone else. 

And then, just when I thought I was all cried out, Pastor Stacy stopped me to ask if I was okay. I wasn't. And the tears fell again. I apologized to her for the waterworks. I told her it was just an overwhelming weekend. She told me not to worry and asked to pray for me. And the tears kept coming. 

And before she walked away, she told me to just 'rest'. And the tears fell again. Because that is what God has been talking to me about for the last week. Before we got any news and before we decided to stay in-country. 

Rest. 

So I will try my hardest to rest in Him this week. But I have no guarantee that I will not cry if someone asks me anything about the adoption. Haha! 

Without further adieu, here is the raw, emotion filled post I typed up (through tears, shocking I know) when we knew we needed to change our plans. 

At the end, I've also added the song that I put on every time we hit a bump. The song that helps lead me into that still, quiet place where I can hear Him better. 

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If you ever wanted to know what complete and utter faith looks like, pursue adoption.

Because as hard as it has been to trust God these last few years, it’s even harder right now.

Right now, my feet, they feel like they are failing. We’ve done every single thing we can possibly do up until now.

We are standing at the edge, waiting on Him. Going deeper and further than we ever could have imagined. Knowing He’s there. Waiting.

“Just a little further Sandra. My dear, our fingers are almost touching. Trust Me.” *I’m sobbing as I type this*

I’m human. I get scared. And right now, I’m so terrified of not trusting Him and failing Him. Not because of what He’ll do, but because of how He always comes through for me. I’ve put Him in a box time and time again. And each time, He’s blown that box wide open.

And here I am. Standing. Looking at something that is so IMPOSSIBLE. Completely. As in God, what are you doing because there is NO WAY. And still, He’s gently calling me out to Him. “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander”

Waiting for me to tell Him I still trust Him. I’ve called out to Him more times than I can count. To swoop in. Take care of this in an easier fashion. “And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior”

Today. I’m scared. Nervous. Terrified. ” So I will call upon Your name, Keep my eyes above the waves”

But…. I will keep walking towards Him. “My soul will rest in Your embrace, I am Yours and You are mine”

Why?

Because “You've never failed and You won't start now”

And there I will “find You in the mystery, In oceans deep, My faith will stand”.

His grace is overflowing. And He will continue to guide us.

{WHEREVER HE WILL CALL US.}

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine