35 + 32

Tomorrow marks 35 months that we've been in the adoption process. On my 27th birthday next month, it will be a full 3 years since we mailed off our first piece of paper.

Yesterday, I posted a picture of our Dossier checklist. Since our Dossier will expire in May of this year, we were told last year that we would need to start gathering everything again in about February or March. 

Today I contacted our International Coordinator (IC) to make sure we still had the green light to get started. The response wasn't exactly what I was expecting. 

Since things have been moving so slowly in regards to referrals, our agency has decided not to require families to begin on their second dossier until closer to the time of an expected referral. 

KC and I thought that was great. Less paperwork to do multiple times as things begin to expire. 

What I wasn't expecting was the timeline. 

We were under the impression from our IC last year, that since we were open to certain special needs and to an older child, our wait time could be much shorter. (That didn't factor in to any of our decisions, it just turned out to be exciting news to us after we made our decisions)

Then, I sucked it up and asked the scary question: 

What does the timeline look like for us?

Our new Dossier Coordinator 'Mrs. C' replied that she spoke with our IC 'Mrs. K' about our specific case, and that our timeline, based on when our Dossier was sent, is looking to be 32 months. 

Yeah - I know. I felt like someone just knocked me in the gut. 

Thirty. Two. Months. Almost another. three. years. 

Guys.

I'm not gonna lie and say that I shrugged it off like no big deal. That I took it like a man and walked it off. Because I didn't. I cried after the initial shock wore off.

I know they're just numbers. And I know that my God is bigger than those two numbers put together and He can do anything. I know that He is good and He is going to fulfill His promise. I know that through Him, we could get a referral next month! I know that. Deep down, down to the smallest thing I am made of, I know that He's got this.

But I'm tired. I'm worn out from this back and forth ride that KC and I seem to be stuck on. 

Today, I feel like the underdog in the boxing ring. The one no one thinks is going to make it. 

When the underdog is fighting his hardest and gets hit with a tough blow. He falls face down on the boxing ring floor. And he's laying there wondering:

What just happened?

How did I get here? 

Crap, I hurt all over.

This floor is so nice, maybe I'll just stay down.

Yeah - I'm exhausted 

.....and I don't think I've got anything left. 

Cinderella Man

Yeah. I felt like that today. 

I honestly wish I could Vulcan mind-meld with you guys. I sometimes feel like writing this all out isn't adequately conveying all the crazy emotions running rampant inside me.

As KC and I stood here in the kitchen talking about it, I did shed a few tears as I told him that I'm drained. That doesn't mean I won't keep fighting for her. But today, I'm just - exhausted, worn out, weary, fatigued, dog-tired... take your pick.

KC walked over and took my hands, and we prayed. 

And just like those underdogs, something comes to our mind and re-energizes us; something the audience may see as a flashback. 

For me, it was a verse. A verse I gave to KC earlier today for a completely unrelated situation. Funny how God works like that. 

And that flashback is enough to give them the strength to fight another 1, 3, or 6 rounds. And more often than not, that underdog comes out victorious. 

Effie will be here; and whether 2014 is the year or not, we'll keep swinging.   <3