And if not….

We’re tired. Things feel a bit muddled.

 

·         Trying to get that last piece needed for the dossier

·         Praying we get it in the mail to Little Rock by next Tuesday or Wednesday

·         Praying we get a mid-October court date

·         Trying to get everything ready for school starting on Monday

·         Trying to plan for being gone during the school year (and likely over Thanksgiving)

·         Trying to slowly start buying Christmas gifts so we don’t have to worry once we get back

·         Trying to ignore the rude and insensitive remarks made about our family and the decisions we make with God’s leading

·         Life

 

Right now, that’s kind of where we’re at and how we’re feeling.

 

We’re trying to keep ourselves occupied by doing some things around the house.

 

It’s hard to keep your mind distracted sometimes. But we’re trying.

 

We found out this week that we could get a court date given to us during the “closing”. Apparently, the judges are the only ones out during the rainy season. The clerks are still there working.

 

So there’s a chance we could be given our date before the courts officially open.

 

However… (are you expecting those from us now? Haha!)

 

Our sweet coordinator who, bless her, has had to deliver a lot of bad news to us recently, told us that right now they are scheduling couples with positive letters in mid-October into late October.

 

That’s for those who are “paper ready” right now.

 

Unfortunately, that’s not us.

 

Hence (always a fun word), the likelihood of us getting an October court date is looking slim. At this rate, it’s more likely to be early November.

Our friends received word that they are scheduled for October 16. So we may not travel together after all. 

 

………………………………………………………………………

 

I think sometimes you just get to a place that you hear more, for lack of a better word, crappy news and you just stare at those words, sigh, and then kind of purse your lips.

 

And you have to be careful because you don’t want to turn into this “hope for the best, but expect the worst” kind of person.

 

Trust me.

 

That was the beat I followed and it wasn’t pleasant.

 

So while you’re staring at those words glaring back at you, you summon everything you can and utter a small moan.

 

He knows. He understands all the pain, frustration, and weariness that is contained in that moan.

 

And you know what?

 

Despite all the crappiness and chaos, He is still good. He is for me.

 

And He is still worth it.

 

Did you catch that?

 

HE. IS. STILL. WORTH. IT.

 

I want to be open with you guys; I promised I would be through this blog.

 

I want to be real and honest and talk about the ups and downs of adoption, life, my walk with Him.

 

BUT I always, always want to make sure you understand that line.

 

Things may not ever go the way that I want them to. We’ll face battles and trials; and we’ll feel like fireballs are heading straight for us.

 

And in that particular moment, life might feel like it pretty much bites the big one; things might just suck.

 

But it’s only for a season, and HE IS STILL WORTH IT. All of it.

 

We are not naïve.

 

We are not weak.

 

We are not grasping at straws.

 

We are putting our trust and hope in something greater than ourselves.

 

While in this moment things may seem messy and chaotic to me, they aren’t to Him.

 

So yes, today might feel a bit crappy. But He is still worth anything that may get thrown my way.

 

And friends, looking back through time, I know we’re in good company.

  

 

 

Why Ethiopia? Why not adopt from America?

As we’re working overtime to get our dossier completed and *hopefully* sent off to be state sealed by the end of next week, I thought I’d address this question; because I’m not sure I have in blog form.

 

[Note: As I write this, I want you to know I’m writing from my heart. Please do not take this post as condemnation, but as a way for you to look at international adoption in a different light.]

 

This one questions that we get asked probably as often as “But she won’t be sick or have like HIV right?”.

 

My response to the question of “Why don’t you adopt from America? There are kids here who need homes too. Why Ethiopia?” is simple.

 

Why not?

 

Why should a child’s latitude and longitude coordinates choose whether or not a child can have a second chance at a family.

 

But the even simpler answer?

 

Because God told us to.

 

That may not make any sense to you, but when KC and I started praying about adoption we honestly thought we’d adopt domestically or from a Latin American country – either one would be “easier”. KC’s white. I’m half white, half Mexican.

 

Square peg. Square hole.

 

But you should know by now, that’s not how God works. He stretches us. Takes us out of our comfort zone – away from the easy and pushes us towards the hard.

 

Each of us has a heart for something different. If we all had the same passions, things would get pretty boring and a totally one sided.

 

KC and I are adopting from another country. We’re passionate about that. KC will kill me for saying this, but even with all the unknowns, I’d adopt internationally AGAIN!

 

IN. A. FLASH.

 

Because that’s where my heart is. That doesn’t mean KC and I haven’t considered foster care and prayed about it. We have. But we were drawn elsewhere.

 

Take my friend Lindsay (who is letting me share a part of her story). She’s a momma of two blessings. One adopted domestically and one biological. She and her husband are getting close to finishing their paperwork so their house can be “open” to adopt through the  foster care system. 

 

That’s where her beautiful heart is.

 

That doesn’t mean they didn’t consider and pray about international adoption. They did. But again, they were led elsewhere.

 

The dream God gave them is different than what He gave us.

 

Does that make one of us better than the other? Is her daughter more deserving than my daughter to have a family because she was born in America?

 

Is my daughter more deserving than her daughter to have a family because she was born in a third-world country?

 

Think on that.

 

Mull it over.

 

Am I more deserving of God’s grace because my sins don’t seem as “big” as someone who is caught up in addiction? Thievery? Murder?

 

Are they more deserving of God’s grace because their sins are “bigger” than mine?

 

Think on that.

 

Mull it over.

 

Just as much as I have been given a second chance due to my transgressions, my daughter, Lindsay’s daughter, the other children out there without parents…… they too can and should be given a second chance at a family.

 

So please friends, think about these things the next time you hear of someone adopting – be it domestically or internationally. Those comments you’re making are in regards to a child.

 

A real.

 

Live.

 

Child.

 

My child.

 

Who has endured more death, pain, and heartbreak than most adults.

 

She is loved and adored just as much as her brothers are.

 

I am loved and adored just as much as my 6 billion other brothers and sisters.

 

Why Ethiopia?

 

I say why not.

 

{“Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” 1 Peter 2:10}

 

  

  

Dossier Re-do – Progress Report

We got good news this morning regarding our Dossier.

 

KC and I were under the impression that we would re-do our dossier, have it reviewed, send it off to be state sealed in Little Rock, send it to be reviewed again, send it to be authenticated in D.C., send it to be reviewed one final time, and then send it to Ethiopia to wait until courts opened back up in October, have it reviewed by MOWA, get issued a positive recommendation letter, and wait for a court date for late October/early November.

 

But after talking to our Dossier Specialist this morning, we discovered that it will look more like re-do our dossier, have it reviewed, send it off to be state sealed in Little Rock, send it to be reviewed again, send it to be authenticated in D.C., send it to be reviewed one final time, and then send it to Ethiopia (no need to wait until courts opened back up in October), have it reviewed by MOWA asap, get issued a positive recommendation letter, and wait for a court date for mid to late October if we’re lucky.

 

What does that mean?

 

Well, we thought MOWA closed when the courts did. They don’t. So they can already have reviewed our Dossier and issued our letter before courts open! All we’ll have to wait for is our court date. And if, by some crazy chance, MOWA needs anything else from us, we’ll have time to get it without pushing back our court date.

 

Yup. Praise. Jesus. *happy dance*

 

KC and I are hoping to knock everything out by the end of next week so we can submit it for the first of many reviews. We’ve been able to finish up a lot of the stuff. We have our physical appointments next week and that’s the farthest thing out. Our new birth and marriage certificates should be here by the end of this week and KC and I are going to run to the police department on our lunch break to get our background checks taken care of.

 

It’s still a lot of work and paperwork to gather, but we know what to expect this time around so we’re finishing it up faster than last time. For instance, we already know that since our home study is signed by our social worker’s supervisor in Tennessee and is also notarized in TN, we have to have it state sealed there and not in Arkansas. That took us about 2 weeks to figure out and get taken care of. Haha!

 

We are going to do our best to keep ourselves occupied during this time. We’ll try to do a lot of stuff with the boys before we become a family of 5. We’ll also do some more work around the house in order to get ready… meaning I need to stay caught up on laundry. Boo to that.

 

Please continue to pray for us. We thought the waiting was over, and now these next 2 months are going to feel like an eternity – even though it’s not a terribly long amount of time, it’s still hard.

 

I came across these verses in Romans 4. I’m going to be holding on to this for the next few weeks…

 

*Please continue to pray for T's parents. The chances of them traveling soon is getting slim. They're still hoping and praying that they'll get squeezed in. ❤️

 

 

 

 

 

A battering ram

When talking about trials, I've frequently used the oceans waves as a comparison. 

You're fighting the waves, and many times it seems like you're finally able to break through the waves and  gasp for air before being pummelled by another wave. 

Definitely what a lot of us have felt like during hardships. Definitely how I have felt through almost all of them. 

But this last week, I feel as though experienced something a bit different. 

KC asked me on Friday how I was feeling. I told him I felt like I was getting hit with a battering ram. 

I'd have moments where I felt okay, but then it'd hit and man would it hit hard. 

I feel like a battering ram is worse than the waves. It's deceitful. It gives you a few moments to feel like you're okay. To feel as though it's over. But in reality, each hit is just weakening you. 

If you've seen any type of war movie, you know what I'm talking about. For me, I think of Return of the King. The Orcs are attacking Gondor. In order to gain entry, they use a battering ram (which apparently is named Grond) against the big wooden doors. Doors that could hold up to almost anything. 

Here's the thing about battering rams; they slowly destroy us. They take away our strength. With each hit, our resolve to stand in our battle weakens. 

With each hit, we begin to question who we are, what we're doing, and why we're in the battle that we're in. 

More importantly, we begin to question God. We begin to doubt His character. We begin to wonder if He was ever really on our side at all. 

We yell and get angry. We tell God 'Haven't we had enough?!'

Right now, I'm not getting any answers. It feels as though He's just holding me while I rage on. And sometimes, that's all we need. 

I know many of you do not understand what KC and I and the boys are going through and feeling. 

I know you're not sure how we can feel so much love for someone we've "only met on paper". 

That's okay guys. It's hard to understand. We don't need you to understand and we don't need you to fix it. 

Just the love and little words of encouragement have been enough. 

It's okay if you don't have big words of wisdom. Some of the best things that were said to us were simple "I don't know what to say, but I'm praying for you" sort of things. 

*sigh*

Guys. It comes in waves. I find the hot tears running down my face before I even realize it. Small things cause the tears to begin; like realizing we are going to miss her 5th birthday and realizing we could be gone over Thanksgiving. 

I'm confused. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. 

And right now, God is holding me through each hit we take. 

I came across this quote on Thursday:

And I've been holding tightly to it. Mulling it over. Praying about it. 

And it hit me. 

I don't trust in God because of what He can do for me, I trust Him because of who He is...

He is my Comforter. My Protector. My Father, and my Friend. 

He is my Provider, and my Healer. 

He, dear friends, is FAITHFUL. 

I constantly hear people say, "He'll never give you more than you can handle"...

I don't think that's true. I think if God gave me just as much as I could handle, I'd have no need to call on Him. I'd think I'd accomplished it of my own accord. 

No...

I think He gives us MORE than we could handle ourselves. So that when we climb out on the other side, we and everyone around us knows it was by His grace and the glory goes to Him and only Him. 

So right now, as I'm dusting myself off before another blow, I know that He is the only way that I will make it through. 

He is the reason for the fight. 

I, we, will continue on to fight the good fight of faith. 

For no other reason than HE is.