It's in the wait...

I know this topic has popped up in almost every post on my blog. I talk about it a lot. But never realized why. I knew we were in for a long wait, I knew I had to be strong and remain faithful, but inside I was a mess trying to figure out why. Why have we waited 10 months? With nothing to show? No home study, no dossier, no official wait list placement. We are WAY past where we should be on the agency's timeline. By this point, we should be officially waiting to be placed with a little girl.

God gave me a verse in Isaiah a few weeks ago that just won't leave my mind - "Don't put your faith in the promises of men". Why not? Because you'll likely be disappointed. Point in case: we're 10 months in without even having our home study approved.

But the other day, KC and I had a long conversation about it all. I told him that as frustrated as I am, I have this odd calm inside. Like totally unusual for me. I'm normally a duck on water - calm on the surface, but under the water, I'm going 100 miles a minute. But the last few weeks, it's been completely different. Before, if I heard bad news or no news I'd just break down cry; I'd be sad at first, then it'd develop into anger and frustration. But as I've been trying to remain in a constant state of prayer, I've seen how much better I have accepted bad news. And we've received A LOT of it the last few weeks.

Examples:
· After we spent money on getting the A/C in the van "fixed", we found out it was an even bigger problem. As in, over $1,000 to fix sort-of-problem
· After we thought we had the car fixed, we found out it's still leaking oil pretty bad (for unknown reasons) and all the windows (save the driver's side) have come off the roller things and are being held up precariously by bright blue and white polka dotted duct tape (none of that plain silver stuff here! hehe)
· Sunday night, KC got into the van (after spending alllllll that money to fix the A/C) and the fan wouldn't work in the front. It blew cold air from the rear vents, but was acting funny in the front - only working sporadically. So that is another repair to tack on.
· We thought the home study would be approved last week, but it still hasn't and we've not heard much as to why.
· Work has been a little slow for KC lately, and the one check he did get, we used to fix the van instead of putting it towards the adoption.

What did I do when I heard all of that?
A. Curled up in the fetal position and cried
B. Shook my fist in an exaggerated manner towards the heavens screaming at the top of my lungs whilst KC tried to restrain me
C. Simply smiled with KC as we realized something: Life may be hard, but God's peace is the only thing that has gotten us through it all.

Answer: Well, I seriously contemplated doing A & B (yes, together) and probably would have a month ago. Haha! But KC and I honestly just shrugged and said we'll replace the cars after the adoption, and whatever the reason is for the adoption delay, it's in our favor.

As we continued our conversation we totally realized that through 2 completely different circumstances, God taught us both the same lesson. It's in the wait. Vague? Yeah, I know. But it was clear as day to us. We're trusting in Him and in His timing. Not ours. KC was taught this lesson at the end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 through his time of joblessness. He felt completely worthless in not doing the job that a man is supposed to do: provide for his family. And folks, it was rough. I never once doubted KC and God's plan - but KC did. But as soon as he accepted the time of waiting and released that control, God gave him a verse. The gist of it was, I will provide for you suddenly (that was the actual word in the verse. suddenly). An hour later my brother-in-law came by with a job offer. And through that job, we are paying for the adoption. God chose to teach KC by taking away the one thing that He created man to be: a provider.

And my lesson? The adoption. The mother in me can't stand the fact that I know that I have a daughter out there and that each delay puts the distance between us further and further. This has been ongoing since last Spring. I'm fine when everything is going smoothly and is on track. But as soon as there's a kink, I freak out. The 2 verses that God has consistently brought to my attention to remind me of this are {Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus} and {James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.} Want to know what else is totally awesome? KC gave me both of these verses to read one day but in a different version. It took me a minute to realize they are the 2 that I have on each side of my desk. That I look at them every. single. day. KC was as excited as I was. It's amazing how God does that.

You know, this adoption, this job, it's not of our doing. As much as we think it is sometimes. And God has to remind us of it every once in a while. I'm not in control. I can't do any more than I'm doing now. God was and is preparing us through this time of waiting. For what you might ask? We aren't completely sure. We've been given a glimpse of what our future looks like and have had lots of confirmation on it. But all we know, is we are continuing to be made whole. You don't grow when life is easy and things are a breeze. You grow when you have to fight to make it to the top of that mountain. And as much as your mountain may feel like Mount Everest as opposed to the Boston Mountains here, YOU ARE GROWING! God is preparing you! You may not see it now, but you have to choose to see the joy and the beauty of every situation. The joy and beauty of my situation? Seeing KC and I grow closer and stronger in our marriage, seeing the boys get excited over meeting someone with "dark skin like Effie!", in knowing that one day I'll be holding Effie in my arms. Even in the midst of the difficulties and setbacks, I still have to hold on to my joy and my beauty and remember what it is I'm waiting for.

Oh the blessings...

Many of you know about our relationship with Helga and Susan - it's not been the greatest. They're constantly giving us problems and we're constantly spending money on them. Oh, you don't know who Helga and Susan are? Allow me to introduce you: Helga is our 2001 Chrysler Town & Country minivan and Susan is our 2002 Oldsmobile Alero. What? You don't name your vehicles. Oh…. well - we're the weirdo's that do! Lol. I had a Ford Focus named Darth Vader because a girl so accurately pointed out that it looked like Vader's helmet (Yes, I'm proud to be a geek!) and KC's jeep was named Grave Digger. We. Are. Those. People. Haha.

But the boys love calling the van Helga. Last night our good friends Tiny and Celetha came over so Tiny could help us look at the Alero/Susan. We spent a lot last fall ($2000+) to get it back up and running and then she started leaking oil. Bad. Well, life happens and we never got around to taking her back in. Then, last July the A/C went out in the T&C/Helga. We thought it was fixed last summer and again this spring when we took it in. No luck as it was a bigger problem than they thought. Cost? About $1200. Ouch. This is in addition to the 800+ we already spent on Helga this spring .

So Tiny comes over to check out Susan and the whole time KC and I are praying that it's just something small. A loose oil cap KC says. Tiny gets the hood popped and they crank the car up on the jack. After a few minutes they figure it out - the seal on the oil cap is loose. PRAISE. GOD! Cost? About 2 bucks. *commence happy tears* Now, she's been sitting in the drive for some 8 months now, so we had to jump her last night and again this morning. But I've gone out to start her and haven't had any problems. If Susan doesn't start again, we'll need a new battery. But I'll take it! If all we have to do to her is replace the battery and get new tires. I'm one happy camper.

And what about Helga you may ask? Well, she'll be like new on Monday. KC got paid this week and we've decided to fix the A/C in the van. These cars are paid for. We want to keep them for another few years. I know that money isn't going to the adoption account (neither has his last paycheck - car repairs), but God will provide. We still haven't gotten our home study approved. That's a WHOLE 'nother long post. :-/

I'm just amazed at God. Even when everything seems to be going wrong with the adoption, we still get blessed with things like having a friend who will help with car issues, KC working at a job that he can make enough on one check to take care of expensive car repairs, and a God that helps calm my spirit when I feel like I'm about to burst. A God that is faithful no matter what. So my hope? It's in Him. Better days are ahead. <3


P.S! Don't forget about our Ordinary Hero fundraiser. Check out the link on the left side of my blog. :)

Be an Ordinary Hero

Be an ordinary hero! How you may ask? By purchasing an item from the Ordinary Hero store to help "Change the world for one". That one? In our case, it's Effie. Through Ordinary Hero, we'll receive 40% of all clothing and accessories sold and for some of the items sold under Donations for Children in Need. As long as it says 'Affiliate Receives Credit', we get credit for it. Just choose Sandra Collins under Affiliate Name when you check out. Easy as pie!

Their shirts are pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Wanna help out but don't really want a tee plastered with a country or the word 'adoption'? They have some awesome tees that simply say "Change the world for one". Below are a few cool samples.

They have styles for men, women, and kids! Even if you don't want a tshirt, you can still donate to kids in need and help us out. Just 2 examples in the pictures above are purchasing Bibles in Amharic or buying blankets for children in need. There are a lot of ways to help out - more than just us.

Please help us spread the word to family and friends. Thanks SO much to all of you for your continued support. We are getting SO much closer to finishing this. Can't wait to hold my dear Effie in my arms. Thoughts and prayers are appreciated just as much.

Hello again!

I promise today's post will be positive, peppy, and uplifting!  Haha. I've been a bit of a Negative Nancy lately, and if you know me you know that's completely out of character. The good news is, we're possibly days away from our home study being approved. Well, I guess it technically is but they needed one more piece of information from us - from me to be exact. Today at 3:00pm, I will be having my very first therapy session EVER. Our agency feels that it would be pro-active for me to be evaluated by a therapist for our USCIS paperwork that we will be sending in - hopefully in the next week or two.

What for you may ask? My dad. A lot of you know him, so I don't need to go into detail. But my dad was an alcoholic - many times an angry one. So, they just want to make sure (I guess) that I'm not still holding on to any issues. And I can tell you with 200% certainty, I'm not. I've forgiven my dad. I've asked for healing. I've let go of my bitterness, anger, and resentment. And I've asked God to replace those things with His good and His glory. I love my Dad. First sign I've gotten over it, I'm calling him Dad instead of Valentin. Second sign, I said I love him and I mean it. Truly mean it. We're working on patching things up - my sisters and brother too. Trying to mend our relationship to what a father/child relationship should have been all along. Am I worried about the session today - a little. Haha. I've never spilled my guts to anyone 'cept God. And if she thinks I still have residual issues, we'll have to set up more sessions before she can write a positive evaluation. I don't want to lie, but I want them to know that I've forgiven my Dad. I also want them to know that just because he was an angry, verbally abusive alcoholic doesn't mean that I am. Nor does it mean I treat my boys that way nor will I treat Effie that way.

It's not been easy coming out from that dark shadow. Not wanting to be like him. Not liking to drink alcohol often because I know that like any destructive habit, it could control me. I may have broken that curse, but that doesn't mean that I can throw 'em back like it's no body's business and I'll be safe. That's not how it works. But with God, I can make sure that doesn't happen.

I love my Dad. God knows he's made a lot of mistakes in his life. But he's paying for them now. But because of those consequences, we're able to see him, talk to him, write him. We know that whatever the outcome, we'll have a better relationship with him than we've ever had.

So, say a prayer for me today at 3pm if you don't mind. I know it's going to work out for the best. Despite all of these delays, I've had this surreal peace in my spirit. I hate delays, but I'm confident it's for the best. Effie's waiting. Being loved and watched over by God. Nothing I can do will speed up the process.

I need to find joy in my journey.

"In the deepest, darkest moments of our lives, we need to affirm

what is TRUE: We are loved, there is a greater plan,

and God is still in control."

P.S. Some good news is, we only have 3 things left before we have our completed Dossier! Those will be *prayerfully* completed this weekend. At least it'll be ready to go in no time.