Free Fall

I was hoping to have a nice update on the home study before posting again…. but we're still hitting a few snags. I'm not going to lie; my heart aches as I write this post. Every delay, every hiccup, every setback, every lull... it hurts. We don't have a home study approval, we don't have a referral, we don't have a travel date - but we have this intense love for our daughter. And every holdup puts the distance between us that much further. As I fight the urge to curl up in the fetal position and sob, I know I need to be strong. I knew going into this that it would take every ounce of my strength to make it through. I always thought I had the utmost faith in God and what He had planned, but this process has put that faith to the test.

As I'm typing this, I can see God standing behind me telling me it's okay. Telling me to trust Him. Like that game you'd play where someone stood behind you and you'd stiffen up and fall into their arms. No control. Once you fall back, there's nothing you can do. Close your eyes, relish in the exhilaration surging through you as you wonder if you'll be caught in their trusting arms or fall hard on the harsh ground. 

Can I do it? Can I just allow myself to release this control and fall into His strong arms? Can I push my fear aside? Can I trust that He knows what He's doing? That He has Effie safe in His arms even though she's not in mine? "Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils" -Isaiah 2:22

{Yes, I'm crying in case you were wondering}

{The truth is, I did nothing. I didn’t live well or believe well or stay strong in my faith. I laid with my face on the floor in the darkness and just let the small, inextinguishable flame of truth do what it is meant for. No one will write my name in history books as a woman of great faith nor will I pen studies giving guidance on overcoming adversity. They’ll simply reference an ancient text and see where in one life, it was true: For where I am weak, He is strong}

I will give Him my all even though it may be nothing. I feel wrung out, dry, empty. But I'm still clinging to Him - working to relinquish it all. Because a plan in my hands is just that, a plan. But a plan in His hands is a PROMISE. He will not fail me, I may lose faith in Him but He never loses faith in me. He cannot deny who He is (2 Tim. 2:13). And yet…. He still delights in me. adores me. loves me. Just waiting for me to allow Him to calm the storm inside.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. -Isaiah 41:10



-Sandia

Short Update

*sigh* We are currently still waiting on our home study to be approved. Our agency needed more information from the VA for KC. They need evaluations from the psychologist on the severity of his PTSD. So, we've been waiting a few weeks on that. They wanted a new evaluation from a new psychologist, but that could take months. So we're trying to see what we can do with what they have: a report stating that KC does not have severe PTSD and that he is perfectly capable of adopting a child. This has been incredibly trying. On one hand we completely understand that they are just doing their job to protect these children and make sure they are adopted into a safe environment. But on the other hand, it just feels like we are having to do SO much extra because "the wording is off" on some of the reports from the VA and such.

I've really been trying my best to trust God through all of this - especially these last few weeks. Faithfulness. I'm trying to keep my chin up and march on. But this entire process has just been fought from day one. And I'm just so tired. I know a lot of you have battles that you've fought or are still fighting and you've had those moments where you just want to throw your hands up in defeat. I've had more than my share of those days. It seems like there have been more these last 3 weeks. Poor KC has had his hands full with me.  ;) 

I've been praying profusely about it. It's one of those you-know-it'll-all-be-okay-but-for-the-moment-you-can't-see-the-forest-for-all-the-trees sorta thing. And I feel like an absolute heel for doubting Him because I know I'll look back and think 'Oh! That's why!'. But, that's part of life. I can tell you this though, it's times like this that push me closer to Him. Maybe not at the start, but it does. And He always has a way of showing me that He's thinking of me. For example, I opened up Facebook this morning and saw someone post this verse:

“Is it not my family God has chosen?
    Yes, he has made an everlasting covenant with me.
His agreement is arranged and guaranteed in every detail.
    He will ensure my safety and success."

-2 Samuel 23:5

 So please keep us all in your prayers as we continue in this journey to bring sweet Effie home.  © 

{I've added just a few of our family pictures from this month}

Feetsies! This banner reads FAMILY in Amharic. Love this one.

A few of my favs: KC and I, Caedmon and Oliver.



Last Fundraiser

When KC and I started out on this journey, we obviously prayed about the financial aspect of it. After a lot of prayer, we decided to only have 3 main fundraisers that we knew would fit us (if that makes any sense). The first was a garage sale that we had last summer, the second was the date night we had in March, and the final one is our pancake breakfast coming up this Saturday, May 12th. (If God leads us to have another, we will. But we strongly feel like this is the last "big" one.) I'm so excited about it. Work has graciously allowed us to have it at the coffee shop inside the clinic in Benton County - Latte Da is the name of the coffee shop.

Bri, the manager of the coffee shop has also helped me order all the supplies through their supplier so that we get more food for less. We also got to order some delicious Ethiopian Yirgacheffe coffee that I L.O.V.E. They've just been so awesome and helpful. I'm blessed to work for such an amazing company. So, today's post is just a little reminder about it. If you can't come, please don't stress about it. Just say a prayer for us on Saturday. The breakfast is from 7:30 - 10:30. A nice time range for the early birds and those who like to sleep in on Saturdays.  ;-)

Latte Da (inside Highlands Oncology Group)
808 S. 52nd Street
Rogers, AR 72756

Take 540 and get off Exit 83 - Pinnacle Hills (the Cross Church exit with the 3 big white crosses). Turn North on 52nd Street. You'll pass Mellow Mushroom, Arvest Bank, Aloft Hotel, and Crabby's. Just up the hill on the left is Highlands Oncology Group. The entrance to Latte Da is in the front.

ALL THE DETAILS IN A BRIGHT COLORED FLYER

HIGHLANDS ONCOLOGY GROUP - YA CAN'T MISS IT

THE COFFEE SHOP SIGN

Dossier Compilation

Not a lot going on lately adoption related. We're working hard to get all of the necessary forms and letters gathered and notarized for our Dossier/BFF (big fat file). You'd think it'd be easy. But it's a lot of work tracking down paperwork. Haha! Amazingly, I sent the Medical Request Letter to my PCP to fill out today and they've already called and said it's finished. If any of you know anything about doctors' offices, you know their notorious for dragging their feet. Especially if they're a clinic that's been in business F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Now, when KC gives his to the VA, it'll probably be finished by oh, I don't know - August? Haha. Seriously though….

We have the Pancake Breakfast next Saturday the 12th and I'm stoked! I really think this one will have a good turnout. I mean, who doesn't love a cheap breakfast with delicious coffee? Ethiopian coffee to be exact. Mmmmm. It's delicious I promise. We're blessed to be able to have it at the coffee shop inside the clinic I work for. We searched everywhere for a place to hold it, when the gals in the coffee shop - Latte Da (how cool is that name? Makes me think of Brown Eyed Girl) - suggested we use it. Plus, Andy who works in the Fayetteville coffee shop and Don (our awesome courier) are going to be making the pancakes for us! Bri - the manager - is going to help check everyone out. Haha! How awesome is that?! They're all such great people.

We had a garage sale last weekend to get rid of a lot of clutter in our house. We ended up having tons of people donate stuff again! We made about $400 to go towards preparing Effie's room and the rest was to be put in our adoption account. The boys had a lemonade stand and made about 8 bucks - mostly from Pops. Lol. Caed kept yelling "Lemonade! Get yer lemonade! Hi ma'am, would you like lemonade?" Ollie just kept drinking it until Caed said "If you drink it all, there's none to sell. SO STOP!" We died laughing. These boys - never a dull moment. So you'll see pictures from the sale and of her room in a bit. Just remember, her room is in progress.

That's about all we have right now - sorry it's not more engaging. Haha. Oh! We did finally get the A/C fixed in Helga (our mini-van). Do you know how GOOD it feels to have the A/C in your car after not having it for almost one year? Ah-mazing. So blessed to find a great mechanic that didn't want to rip us off. We know, because the first place we took it was quoting us 2,000 higher than what we paid the 2nd place. I know. My jaw dropped too!

Anyway, here are a few pictures to get you by until we hear any more news. We're waiting on our home study to be approved so we can send off our immigration paperwork and get our fingerprint dates. Once we get those back, we can send our Dossier to Little Rock to be State Sealed then forward it on to Ethiopia! Praying everything goes smoothly. We'd love to be approved by Ethiopia in June.   ©

Our official packet!

It's all gotta be notarized

Our handy dandy .... Checklist!

My accordion file to keep me as organized as possible

The gya-rage sale! Thankful my Mother-in-law let us have it at her house. She's in the middle and my Mom is on the left.

The boys selling lemonade to unsuspecting customers

I think that was Ollie's 5th cup of lemonade. Haha!

Testing colors

Sorry for the bad lighting - the sun was pretty bright

Again, this picture doesn't do the color justice - but it shows the pretty curtains. They're actually shower curtains from Target, but I loved the pattern and colors!

There we go! Better picture of the color. Still a lot of work to do!

-Sandia