Today

Dear friends,

KC and I have felt your love today. And we cannot thank you enough. 

Today was rough. But your outpouring of love and encouragement helped us more than you know. 

Some of you sent texts with nothing but emoticons, my bestie sent me this, 

And another sweet friend stopped by my house with coffee and chocolate (thank you Adriel). 

And oh so many of you commented on my post today letting us know you felt our pain too. 

Thank you sweet friends. 

We couldn't do this without you and your support. 

Yes, today was rough. But tomorrow is a new day. 

Our little family is going to be on the DL the next few days. But I wanted to be sure to let you all know how much we love and appreciate you. 

This week and next week we'll be kicking it into high gear to work on re-doing our Dossier. 

Luckily, I saved a lot of the files because I thought we'd have to re-do it earlier this year. It's just going through the motions of getting everything. 

I think the hardest things to get will be our physicals and background checks. 

We have to reorder our birth certificates and marriage certificates, and get bank statements and tax copies, etc....

It's not hard, it's just tedious. 

So now, we pray that we can get this knocked out quickly, state sealed, authenticated, sent to Ethiopia and that MOWA reviews our dossier and issues a positive letter so we can get a court date soon after they open back up at the end of September (actually a week earlier than we thought!). 

Thank you friends. You gave us the kick we needed to brush ourselves off, and start again. 

As I stated before, we're still fighting hard for her and we'll jump through whatever hoops they want us to. 

We. Are. Heartbroken....

This may very well be the hardest, most difficult post I've ever had to write.

I'm a mess. So this post may not be as fluid as it normally is, so please bear with me.

We still had not heard anything from our agency yet, so KC asked me to take a lunch, grab some coffee, and sit with him at work. So I did.

As soon as KC got into the van, I got a call from Michigan.

Our agency.

I just had a feeling it wasn't good news....

It wasn't.

MOWA issued a negative recommendation letter for us and the two other families waiting to travel this week.

NEGATIVE.

Apparently, 2 of our forms in our dossier had just expired. They want new ones. ALL new ones.

We have to re-do our Dossier. The 60+ page file of our lives: our tax information, income, physicals, background checks, home study... everything.

This was not an easy feat the first time around.

We will not be able to get what's needed, send it to Little Rock to be state sealed, send it to DC to be authenticated, get it back to our agency for review, and send it to Ethiopia for MOWA to review before Wednesday.

That means, that we will not be traveling until at least the end of October.

We cannot submit our dossier until the courts reopen the first week of October. We have no idea how long it will take for them to review it, issue us a positive letter, and then receive a court date.

..................................................

This, was never in the cards. This was a rare request that even took our agency by surprise. They saw an email from the team in Ethiopia and thought it was our court date.

I cannot tell you what it felt like to hear that from our agency. I all at once felt numb, sick to my stomach, and like I was going to pass out. Driving home was a feat and I thank God that I made it.

KC was angry - and just sat there quietly.

To be honest, I screamed out loud in the car as I was sobbing. I could barely breathe.

We were only days away from seeing our girl. ONLY A FEW DAYS.

KC, me, our agency.....

We're all still so dumbfounded...

This truly was a rare occurrence... though nothing in our process has been "normal".

Even now, I can barely wrap my head around it all. I'm still in disbelief that I'm not scrambling to book airline tickets.

I honestly don't know what more to say. This was a huge blow.

I want to be angry with God. I do, I really do.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

But I can't be angry with Him.

I feel like a little kid, sobbing, and beating my hands against His chest, all the while He just holds me and lets me rage on.

He knows our pain. He knows the heartbreak that we are feeling.

I'm sure He's feeling it to.

I don't know what God is doing.

My tiny brain cannot even fathom what He has ahead for us.

We are hurting. And angry. And confused.

And as hard as it may be for my flesh in this moment, I will continue to trust Him.

Because He knows. He knows.

{For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. - 2 Timothy 4:6-8}


Please pray for us, that we can fight and keep and finish like Paul did, with faith.

  

  

SO Close!!!

Ok friends. 

We've been told that the rumor is, that courts will be closing on August 6th.... That's in ONE week!!

Our agency is confident that we will make it in before the courts close. 

We were hoping to hear something by now, but we haven't. As soon as we get clearance, we will be traveling within a day or two!!

Crazy. 

We're so excited! Please help us pray that we hear something tomorrow. KC and I were antsy all day today. 

This part of the waiting has been torture. We are just a phone call away from jumping on a plane to meet our girl. 

And, a HUGE, MASSIVE, GINORMOUS thank you to all of you guys. We shared that with airfare prices skyrocketing, we were still about 2300 short. Well, you guys came through for us in less than 24 hours. I sobbed, and sobbed. 

You have no idea how much you mean to KC and I. We can never thank you enough for helping bring her home. 

Thank you. ❤️

*I've created a Facebook group to update you guys while we're in-country. It'll be easier than keeping up with the blog. (But I'll be sure to let you all know when we're leaving.) The group is Bring Bertie Home. 

https://m.facebook.com/groups/255540464635566?ref=bookmark 

Thankful

For all the 100 million (possibly a slight exaggeration) things that go wrong in life, there are always those 100 things that happen to go right and make the rest worth it. 

So despite continued "setbacks" in adoption-land lately, today I'm going to share the blessings. 

1. We got an update on Bertie that we were not expecting. We saw new pictures and TWO videos that were longer than 60 seconds. 

In one, she was counting in Amharic so we got to hear her voice. It was more than I could've asked for. 

In the second, she was playing a handclap game with her little friend 'T'. Just 2 days earlier, I tried to teach the same handclap motions to the boys. With absolutely NO luck. Lol. 

2. Since the video contained Bertie and T, we had to give permission to T's adoptive parents to see it and they had to give us permission to see it. 

Because of this, our agency introduced us to this new family who are likely going to be traveling at the same time as we are!! We'll be staying in the same hotel, and we'll get to travel to the orphanage together and being our girls back to Addis with us. 

This means the girls would still have some familiarity when we leave the orphanage. That's a huge win. 

The mother and I have been emailing back and forth and we are close in she and our families have a lot in common. BIG blessing. 

3. I found out yesterday that we can send a photo album to Bertie ahead of us, so the nannies can explain what's about to happen. Another huge win. She'll have a better idea of who we are and won't be so blindsided! I'm working on it now so I can mail it off on Monday. 

Those are the big blessings we've had the last 2-3 weeks. They've helped us to better digest other news (stinking airfare and immigration rules) we've gotten this week. 

I'm thankful and blessed for these few things. And for the next one:

4. This time last year, our dossier was 2-3 weeks away from being in Ethiopia. And it's crazy awesome to think that we could be 2-3 weeks away from bring in Ethiopia ourselves!!

Even with all the ups and downs and (still) unknowns, I'm thankful for God and what He's taught me and shown me these last few years. 

We're close. And I'm thankful for that. ❤️

  

I dearly love to laugh

We have less than 2 weeks before our birth parent court date! I’m praying these next few weeks go by fast. This week has been much better than the last oh, I dunno, 4 to 6 weeks.

 

I’ve been praying non-stop, but I neglected to read scripture or any of my devotionals. And I could really feel it taking its toll on me. I was grumpy, unmotivated, emotional, and just all around unpleasant to be around. I was in a deep pity party. No matter what I did, I could. not. shake it. 

I neglected house work, didn’t care about making dinner, and just lazed around the house watching Property Brothers at night.

 

.... It was a bad place to be friends.

 

The last time I was in that deep of a funk was when I was pregnant with Caed. I had sever hyperemesis gravidarum (really bad morning sickness). I lost 25 pounds, couldn’t eat a thing, and was hospitalized twice for dehydration. I did nothing but lounge around and cry. Haha!

 

It’s funny now, but I know it was stressful to KC to see me like that and to not be able to do anything to help pull me out of my pity party and emotional slump.

 

And I came to that place again this summer. 

I was tired of everything taking so darn long. I was frustrated with the adoption. 

With work. 

With our finances. 

And yes, with God.

 

So, I prayed, but didn’t really talk to Him or allow Him to talk to me. I knew He wanted me to pursue Him, but I just couldn’t. I was tired. And, to be 100% honest, I felt a little betrayed by Him.

 

We should have traveled in May or June. Here it is July and an August travel date is still up in the air. The only 3 months where airfare is ridiculously high is summertime. We’ve got nothing left. It’s always one more thing or one more month.   

 

I felt like yelling, “God, you can do anything. Why won’t you do this for us? Isn’t there a point where enough is enough?!”

 

Truthfully, those feelings and emotions towards Him continue to try and creep in.

 

From a worldly standpoint, my feelings were warranted – like we’re allowed to feel that way. But if we don’t keep our emotions in check, they’ll begin to control us and things will start to spiral out of control.

 

*points to self*

 

This is where I was. How did I get out of it?

 

There’s no special formula, just me finally being tired of having this defeatist attitude. Sunday, the new sermon series was good. Well, what I heard of it – because, I wasn’t paying too much attention. I was letting all my issues distract me. I let my mind run rampant with crazy scenarios and wild daydreams.

 

But the part I DID hear was when our pastor challenged us to read just one chapter in the Bible every day this week. Just one.

 

So I decided to do it. And I did. 

 

I’ve read anywhere from 3-5 chapters in 2-3 different books.

 

And as crazy as it sounds, I’ve felt better in these last few days than I have in the last few weeks. I’ve gotten home, made dinner (as best as we can with a broken fridge – no worries, it gets fixed tomorrow), emptied the dishwasher, reloaded it, and last night I even made cookies!

 

We had a “friend night” this week, and I got to talk to my bestie about how I’ve been feeling. And I love her. She gets me. She’s my person. She doesn’t judge. But at the time when I need it, she’ll tell me to “suck it up buttercup!” or she’ll send me verses.

It was nice getting it all off my chest to her. 

 

This week has reminded me of who I was and who I want to continue to be. I don’t like being grumpy. I don’t like to feel like the defeatist. I’m that weird friend that is annoyingly peppy. Who, ala Elizabeth Bennet, “dearly loves to laugh”, and will slap my husband while he’s pulling clothes out of the dryer just so we’ll get into a weird “play fight” and chase each other around the house. I’m an optimist. A daydreamer.

 

I’m someone who can honestly count on only one hand the people she’d rather not be around… ever. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong. I have only a few friends, but would wouldn't mind to have more. I’m constantly putting myself out there. 

I'm an extrovert. I enjoy people. I enjoy talking *A LOT*. I shamelessly enjoy the "nerd life". I’m a LOTR, DW, OUAT, Marvel, and Sherlock fanatic. I will read an 800 page book in 1 day, and then feel like my life is over because I have to wait years for the next one. 

I fluently speak in movie quotes, use many different accents and all the inappropriate times, and my head is FULL of useless trivia.

 

I.  Was.  AM.  Happy-go-lucky. Lighthearted. Giggly. Carefree.

 

That’s not to say that I don’t worry about things, because Lord knows I do. But I’ve gotten good at handing that all over to Him. I want to be back in that place again. That place of living and breathing God; a place of unconditional trust. 

This week was the turning point.

 

Waiting is hard.

 

Adoption is hard.

 

LIFE is hard.

 

But we are the ones who choose how to respond to hardship. We can choose to endure it with grace and joy, or with grief and pity.

 

And as someone who started off enduring it with grace and joy but turned to grief and pity, I do not recommend the latter.

~Psalm 30:11 

 

 

Birth Relative Court Date

Well, we finally got the date for our birth relative court date...

July 23rd. 

Yeah, it's exciting to finally have that court date scheduled, but it's so far out. 

And our coordinator told us it's 4-6 weeks after that before we get OUR court date. 

At this rate, it looks like we might miss the cutoff for the court closure. Last year, they closed on August 9th through October 14th. 

Our coordinator doesn't seem to think that that will happen as they don't generally split court dates over the court closures. But it HAS happened before. 

KC and I found this out yesterday morning. We both were just so upset. We had just left the mall where we stopped by Candy Craze and got some yummies. 

We both sat in the van quietly and I felt like I was close to tears. This time it was KC who vocalized how tired he was of all the snags. I looked at him and handed him a chocolate almond and said "Here, have some chocolate. Chocolate loves you and doesn't judge". He laughed and took it. 

This is why I've gained 10 pounds so far this year. I'm an emotional eater. Ha!

We're praying that we have no more delays. At this rate, we're looking at early to mid-August to travel. I know it's only a month later than we thought and it doesn't seem like a big deal, but we're 3 1/2 years into this guys.  As of Monday, it's been 5 months since we first saw her beautiful face. We're ready to get there and hold her. 

As soon as this court date is over, we'll get our letter of recommendation from MOWCYA and then they schedule our court date so we can book flights! 

(The one good thing about a later court date, is that we have more time to save up for flights!)

Please help us pray that there are no more delays and that the next few weeks go by fast! ❤️

  

  

Not much…

We’re coming up on 3 weeks of waiting for a birth relative court date. I wake up early to check my email (like a madwoman) to see if we’ve received anything from Ethiopia. Nothing.

 

This is the point where KC and I are getting VERY exhausted. We feel downtrodden. 

We know that His timing is good, but it’d be nice to know something... anything.

 

This. Is. Hard. 

BUT, one positive is that it’s allowing KC and I to save a bit more money. We were still about 2500 shy of where we needed to be when KC texted me yesterday. Turns out, he got a “bonus” for training some new guy at work. To the tune of $1,000. Talk about wanting to shout from the rooftops!! 

That was a HUGE blessing. HUGE. It takes a big weight off knowing that we’re only $1,500 short of where we need to be. We’re praying that we can budget  some from next month (we’ve already budgeted moving over some this month).

 

So yes, the wait is hard; even excruciating at times. But He knows what’s best. And He’s already reminding us of His faithfulness.

 

That’s where we’re at. In the hard, but knowing He’s still keeping an eye out for our well-being. Please continue to keep us all in your prayers.  ❤️