The worst 4 letter word ever

Wait. That is the worst 4 letter word ever. I honestly do not think that I am exaggerating that. For serious. The hardest thing anyone can tell me to do is wait. And it feels like that’s all the last 3 years have been about:

 

I lost my job – gotta find a new one.

Wait.

We want to have a third child.

Wait.

We’re going to adopt!

Wait.

KC’s looking for a new job.

Wait.

We’re looking to buy a house.

Wait.

We found a house and everything looks great!

Wait.

 

Waiting is hard. And going along with the ‘waiting’ theme of our life, is the ‘ you’ve got to fight really, really hard’ and then ‘wait’.

 

KC and I were talking about this today. I sometimes feel like that’s all we do is wait and fight and wait some more. You see a lot of people that are like 1, 2, 3 and done! And we’re over here all 1, 2, 3, 4, Q, pony, G, purple, 5, redo 2, 6, 7, do-the-hokey-pokey annnnnnddddddd done. Go ahead and laugh. I had to after I typed it! Now don’t take this as me being all Debbie Downer. Because I’m not, really. I love that God still does things differently with us. KC and I knew that our life would look different than a lot of our family and friends – and it most certainly does.

 

But sometimes, it’d be nice to have something happen smoothly – no bumps or delays or do overs. KC and I are praying about some big stuff (how can it get bigger than adopting AND buying a house? Trust me, it can. Haha!), and we know we just have to wait for a clear answer. And to be honest, sometimes I’m afraid that His answer won’t be what I want. I’d have to say 95% of the time, I’m like ‘okay God, no biggie, I’ll just do something else’. But guys, this one is a biggie to me.

 

I know God has this. I know that a lot of aspects of this are out of my control, like so many things in our life. But I’m in this season of ‘just wait’, and while I’m learning and growing, I feel like it’s been like this for a while. I’m ready to do something more.

 

Do you ever feel that way? Like you have something pressing on your heart and you’re ready to go and dive into the deep? How do you deal with waiting for a clear answer from God?  <3 

  

Struggle can be Beautiful

Yep, you read that right. If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you know how true that is in mine and KC’s lives. I stumbled across a quote the other day, and it’s been lingering in my head for quite some time:

 

“One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful”

 

Now, whatever Freud meant by that is his business. But it meant something great to me – it confirmed what I’ve been talking about and sharing with anyone who will listen. Those years of struggle turned me into who I am today: strong and beautiful. Now, before you jump off this blog because you think I’m self-centered or arrogant, I don’t mean physically. Lol.

 

I’m able to look at myself in a completely new light because of what I’ve been through. I’m able to look at God and others differently because of the battles I’ve fought and the lessons I’ve learned and the lessons I’ve missed. I’m able to see that some battles left me scarred. Those are the ones that I missed the point of, that I missed the lessons behind; most stubbornly I might add.

 

And then there are those battles that left me stronger, more encouraged than ever. Those are the ones when I rapidly surrendered to God. Those are the ones that helped me bloom in my relationship with Him.

 

We live in a broken world. We are going to have hard times; moments where we’re not sure if we’re going to make it.  We’ve all had more than our fair share of those moments.

 

But now that I’m through that season, I can look back and see how important and how vital those moments were to me as a Christ follower; how vital they were to my character. When someone you only interact with occasionally comes up and tells you that “You have the most beautiful smile. No matter when I see you, you’re just glowing with joy. You make everyone around you happy”, it does something to you. You realize that if that same person would have seen you a few years ago, as you were stubbornly trudging day to day, they wouldn’t be able to say that. But I was able to smile, and tell them that it was only by the grace of God that I am who I am today.

 

So yes, those years of struggle are some of the most beautiful. I’m sure some of you reading this could very well be in the midst of a fierce battle all your own. You’re wondering how you’ll ever make it through.

 

I just want you to know, you will. But submit yourself to God. Let him guide you through it. Don’t fight Him – keep Him close at your side as you FIGHT your way through. Let Him lead you – chances are, the more stubborn you are, the harder it will be to fight.

 

Keep your eyes open. You’ll learn something that will most likely come in handy when you face your next battle. God is great like that. We may live in a broken world, but God will give us guidance and “cheat codes” to make it through. Keep your eyes on Him – and you’ll be able to look back on what you’ve gone through and realize that it too, was beautiful.  <3